Don't leave your bag of dope lying around. The dog will eat it, and you will end up at an emergency clinic where a vet tech will have to pump its stomach. When you threaten her for charging too much, you will go to jail.

When you go to jail, your dog will become best friends with your ex-wife/husband and their new dealer, and the cycle will start all over.

Don't get a dog, ever.

The world doesn't need any more pets (in or out of jail). Pets are a scam. If you want to live with animals, become a farmer or a zookeeper (or a prison guard).

Cities are People-CAFOs. They spread enough diseases already.

Don't be part of the problem.

Yes, all dog problems are caused by owning a dog in the first place.