15 definitions you don’t want to know about Life; and ….cats.
Socialism: You have a forest full of cats and you stand in the middle with a siren to try and chase them into a bank 4 miles away that has dogs guarding it. Capitalism could be the dogs or the cats. The cats from the consumers’ standpoint; the dogs from the socialists’ standpoint.
Environmentalism: A room full of cats is not it. Feeding a room full of cats fucking tuna is definitely not it. Burying someone and planting a tree on their grave is a good start. If you didn’t kill them, see “Morality”. If you did, well….you’re not going to care what I say.
Carbon tax: You have a room full of cats. There’s food dishes in all 4 corners of the room. A carbon tax is like taking away one of the dishes and dumping the food in the rest of them.
Nuclear power: Setting up one toxic litterbox that you can keep an eye on for cleaning vs. dumping food all over a room full of cats without a litter box (fossil fuel-based energy).
Bureaucracy: Knowing you have mice and if you want to keep them under control, you have to feed the cats, provide a litter box and clean it out on a regular basis.
Common Sense: See “Bureaucracy”.
Morality: Realizing that new cats will find the litter box quicker if you put the food nearby, and if you don’t provide the Bureaucracy, the cats will leave you to die of starvation after the mice eat your food. They might eat your face. The cats are moral because they don’t believe in your methodology.
Evil: Putting a cat in the bathtub and turning on the shower because you blindly believe the cat needs to be washed the way people are washed. An action taken based on an unquestioned belief.
Racism: Have you ever owned a purebred Siamese cat? If yes, then you’re a racist. Have you ever tortured a black cat? If yes, then you’re an asshole, and it has nothing to do with race. Stop changing the subject. You can give money to the SPCA, but the cat still knows you’re an asshole. So does your spouse. So does your imaginary aristocrat god that told you that whatever you do will be forgiven. He’s just torturing you in the long run. That’s Karma. She works at the vet’s office and knows you’re an asshole, too.
Economics: You start to understand economics when you have more cats than cat food money, but if you realize it soon enough, you can add “neutering” to “Bureaucracy” and achieve a certain level of sustainability. Yes, you’ll have to pay taxes.
Job Creation: The flood that drives mice out of the meadow into your barn full of cats.
Competition: Two white male cats and one white female in heat. (Because white males get to fight without going to prison, that’s why.)
Stock Market: Belief that you can get rich betting on both white males making more cats, whether or not the female cat cooperates.
American News Product: A bunch of idiots torturing cats and selling cat food and sirens to assholes and socialists alike. What could go wrong?
American Exceptionalism: Wiping the blood of American News Product, the Stock Market, Competition, Racism, and Evil off your face with “stimulus” money stolen from the future of brainwashed, competitively fanatical kittens who haven’t been born yet (Because your ‘leadership’ couldn’t plan ahead and set aside resources that the above shouldn’t have had in the first place).