One of the things all people need to accept and incorporate into their relationships is that humans are a lot less intentional and much more primitive in all of our behaviors than civilization lets us acknowledge. The vast majority of our brain is instinctual programming and a tiny bit coordinates what we consciously think we want to do (for ‘now’, in our individual ‘model’ of what reality is, regardless of anyone else’s model or even reality).

I once saw a cow that was in heat back up to a barbed wire fence so that the bull on the other side could mount her. Both were oblivious to the pain and my attempts to stop them.

I see that behavior all the time in people. You just have to look and accept that domestication (fencing, civilization, morality) is only as effective as we work at making it so and allowing it to guide us.

Each relationship is a type of self-domestication that really only goes so far without making a person stir-crazy. Men need to think about that when they try to control their girlfriends’ lives, and women need to think about that when they plan weddings, houses and the pillow shelf…..and just as important is that we need to think about what we are doing to ourselves in order to accommodate another person, job, debt, education, family or culture.

Yes, men tend to think “How can I fix this?”, but far too many people don’t want to be ‘fixed’ anymore than their dog does.

Reader. Fixer. Maker.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store